Giving myself the time means slow down

I'm exhausted. Today it was a tough class. We were learning speed techniques. Juan wrote us early this morning to take with us skate wheels. It was a preliminary that the class was going to be cool. We workout hard on our legs.  

We warmed up almost fifteen minutes until everybody was ready. I'm starting loving that. But I'm slow and feel insecure. Rolling is one of the things that scare me the most an definitively one of the things I now feel I could accomplish. Besides this feeling there were a very difficult exercise. I had to take some speed , rolling , and then leave my right leg behind and the roll with just one wheel. It was really nice to see it in Juan and others. But I was really frustrated for me. It seems that I do these three phases at the same time. So what I've noticed today is that I don't give time to myself . I feel like I still have to be the faster in the class.  I used to believe that was something good. because the faster are usually rewarded. The truth is I have always the feeling that I am slow. And what it is more, I like being a slow person. I usually don't get things at the first explanation. But I found myself saying yes to explanations that I didn't get  just because I'm used to do that. Like if that was something good. And after that I have to figure it out just for myself and later I feel lonely and frustrated because I cannot lean or trust in nobody. 

I realized I was feeling upset and sad and decided not to push myself and just going around from one point to another. But then Juan came to me and tell me that he was aware that he was giving me a lot of information in all the classes. That's truth. But I hope that somewhere somehow all of the will come together somehow.

I have to practice, I want to do it. I love the bird singing in the beginning of the spring.